i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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