Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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