The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
