btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
