So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
