I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
