eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
