Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
