and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
