So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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