dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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