brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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