hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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