Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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