Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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