yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
