one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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