I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
