i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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