Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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