she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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