there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
