I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
