lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
