I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
