Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
