Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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