I just threw up on my dentist
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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