do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
