I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
