so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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