"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
