do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
