but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
