I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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