He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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