I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
