I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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