Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
