do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
