we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
