i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
