He asked me if I "almost moaned"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
