and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
