I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
