Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
