"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
