dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
