So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
