Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
