so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
