Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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