i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
