Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He? As in you personified your dick?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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