I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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